5 Revealing Ways The Addict Keeps You Powerlessly Trapped

You are in a relationship because you say to yourself and your other that you are in love.


But what happens when you are in a relationship with an addict can leave you floundering and feeling lost.

There are two types of addiction, process addictions, and substance addictions. Either can be perilously harmful to the relationship because the addict only has one love and focus. 

How do they keep you powerlessly trapped?

  1. It looks like they are there with you. That is a delusion. Imagine a pane of glass between the both of you. You can see them and you can hear them but you can’t be with them. The pane of glass is the addiction which leaves you alone and powerless to fix it.

  2. In your quest to make the relationship work, you try everything to get their attention, love, and focus. It is a powerless attempt to have someone change something they are deeply connected to and dependent on.

  3. You feel the anger and hopelessness as you see the potential of what could be. “If only….,” you think to yourself and say to others. “Things could be so good,” you whisper to yourself as you take a breath in a quiet moment but the constant chaos keeps you powerless to make real headway. 

  4. Your love is big. The addicts’ love is big as well only it is directed elsewhere because the addiction has engulfed their life. If for example, they are an alcoholic, they may promise to stop drinking when you make the demand. However, there is no guarantee. Then with no notice, they will drink again because addiction is the combination of the obsession of the mind and powerlessness over alcohol. They are the victim (they will say) of their addiction. In the meantime, you are powerless to stop it or heal it.

  5. You made a promise about this relationship. You made it from your heart. The addict thought they had good intentions as well. They will make excuses every time a promise is broken. They will downplay the role of the addiction in their life. You, on the other hand, watch powerlessly as the tragedy unfolds in their life and yours.

Power is always available to you as long as you are willing to see the delusion you are in. That means making choices for yourself, for your life rather than for theirs.

The addict also has personal power. They and only they can choose to heal the direction of their life when they choose to reach out for the help and support that is available. Then and only then they have a chance to live again in a new way.

All my best


Howard ParsonsComment